Friday, February 20, 2004
it's 2:30a.m. and i can't sleep. it's one of those long nights that never ends but you sooo want it to.
i don't know how separated couples do it. waking up in the middle of the night, looking at the empty space next to you that used to be hold a loved one. the stacks of untouched pillows. the large bed that you bought together because the beds in the dorms were waaaay to small to hold two people. the tempurpedic pillow they bought online thinking it was a good deal but turned out to be fake. the stuffed animals you used to play around with that each had their own name and personality. the very warm blanket their mom made. the space next to the window because it had the best reception to talk at night.
how can you sleep with all these things? with all these feelings and emotions just clouding your every thought? you have to belittle everything. take away the meaning from things. erase the memories, erase the feelings, erase the thoughts. oh well, there went two years of your life and many years of would be's, should be's, and could have been's. just don't think about it and you'll be fine... but how can you not?!!
remember when you used to ask each other how much they loved you and you'd answer with an unfathomable amount like the number of stars in the sky times the number of blades of grass times the number of flowers there are times the number of insects in the world times... ask me how much i hurt and i'll respond with the number of stars in the sky times...
why am i writing all of this now? how the fuck should i know! it's bullshit. everything's too slow. everything's too meaningless. gotta take it one second at a time, hoping that the next will be better than the last.
thank you roy for your party tomorrow. gives me something to look forward to with each passing second.
c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 2:26:00 AM
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let's keep things simple here...
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12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
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01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005
01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005
02/06/2005 - 02/13/2005
02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005
02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005
03/06/2005 - 03/13/2005
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09/11/2005 - 09/18/2005
09/18/2005 - 09/25/2005
09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005
10/02/2005 - 10/09/2005
10/09/2005 - 10/16/2005
10/16/2005 - 10/23/2005
10/23/2005 - 10/30/2005
10/30/2005 - 11/06/2005
11/06/2005 - 11/13/2005
11/13/2005 - 11/20/2005
11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005
11/27/2005 - 12/04/2005
12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005
12/18/2005 - 12/25/2005
12/25/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 01/08/2006
01/08/2006 - 01/15/2006
01/15/2006 - 01/22/2006
01/22/2006 - 01/29/2006
01/29/2006 - 02/05/2006
02/05/2006 - 02/12/2006
02/12/2006 - 02/19/2006
02/19/2006 - 02/26/2006
02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006
03/05/2006 - 03/12/2006
03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006
03/19/2006 - 03/26/2006
04/02/2006 - 04/09/2006
04/09/2006 - 04/16/2006
04/16/2006 - 04/23/2006
04/23/2006 - 04/30/2006
04/30/2006 - 05/07/2006
05/21/2006 - 05/28/2006
05/28/2006 - 06/04/2006
06/04/2006 - 06/11/2006
06/18/2006 - 06/25/2006
06/25/2006 - 07/02/2006
07/02/2006 - 07/09/2006
07/09/2006 - 07/16/2006
07/23/2006 - 07/30/2006
07/30/2006 - 08/06/2006
08/06/2006 - 08/13/2006
08/20/2006 - 08/27/2006
10/01/2006 - 10/08/2006
10/08/2006 - 10/15/2006
10/29/2006 - 11/05/2006
11/05/2006 - 11/12/2006
11/12/2006 - 11/19/2006
12/03/2006 - 12/10/2006
12/31/2006 - 01/07/2007
02/18/2007 - 02/25/2007
03/25/2007 - 04/01/2007
06/10/2007 - 06/17/2007
06/24/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/15/2007 - 07/22/2007
08/19/2007 - 08/26/2007
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11/11/2007 - 11/18/2007
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12/02/2007 - 12/09/2007
12/09/2007 - 12/16/2007
12/23/2007 - 12/30/2007
12/30/2007 - 01/06/2008
01/06/2008 - 01/13/2008
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05/25/2008 - 06/01/2008
07/13/2008 - 07/20/2008
07/27/2008 - 08/03/2008
08/03/2008 - 08/10/2008
10/26/2008 - 11/02/2008
...keep it real
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