Tuesday, February 28, 2006
so i have this cyst or growth on the lower part of my back on the right side below the waist line (okay, so it's above my right butt-cheek). i have had it for 3 years and now it's bigger than a very large grape (maybe the size of like 3-4 marbles squished into one. i can't think of a good comparison right now). doctor checked it out (2+ years ago) and said it wasn't malignant. removing it would be purely cosmetic.
it's starting to bug because i can't lay down without squashing it and feeling some pain (i'm not a pussy, it's more like an annoying poke). i've been working underneath a lot of cars lately laying on the creeper or on the cement. it's been chafed quite a bit and it's just causing me a lot of grief. i need a job to pay to get rid of this thing. someone help me a job.
c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 1:31:00 AM
(2) comments
Monday, February 27, 2006
** warning : "feeling depressed" post coming up **
i really wish i had someone to fall back on, someone to catch me. maybe i wouldn't have fallen so far down. yeah, i don't seem all that sad lately 'cause i've been keeping busy, mainly working on cars. and i don't show how down i am because i've been here (down) for so long that it doesn't really matter how much farther i fall. i don't think i've gone up at all and the road ahead isn't looking that great either. oh well, just gotta keep going. expect the worst and hope for the best. i will definitely say the worst has not happened to me and i'm grateful it hasn't. i appreciate everything that i have but i'm not as strong willed as i used to be. hoping and wishing (something that i did first in this post) and dreaming aren't things that i like to do anymore.
saying that really makes the quote/poem i remember most ironic (this might not be the correct literary term but i don't care to look it up):
hold fast to dreams for if dreams die
life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly
things to do tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that: work on cars.
i dunno what'll make me happy. i just need something new and different. something fresh.
i'm not excited at all about vegas. 3 days and 2 nights of throwing away cash i don't have. is it sad that i'm only looking forward to the drive in eliza?
someone save me. amuse me and talk to me. i don't want pity. i just want to have a nice "natural" conversation to let me know that i'm alive and not a robot that only knows facts, math, vocabulary, science (for my nieces), cars and computers (for everybody else). i guess the only thing i can talk about is TV and i dunno how natural of a conversation that'll end up being. so yeah, go ahead and ask me what the integral of 2x^3 y^2 + 5xy dx dy is or what the worst-case propagation delay is for the logic AB+ACD+BDE using CMOS or pull-up resistors.
i need a girl. maybe i need a girl that is as much of a geek or gear-head as i am. oh, what? all the ones i've met have boyfriends. that's right.
well, i got my cousin's old cell phone. i dunno why i need it since i've survived alright without a cell phone for the past ~3 weeks(?). should i just get rid of it and eliminate an expense that i don't use or can't afford? bah, i'll keep it to remind me each hour/day/month how little i talk on the phone (wow. self-pity... low).
i'll stop there.
** rant mode off **
c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 1:07:00 AM
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