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| Engineers and programmers are the often-anonymous architects of society, and what you do now could make a huge difference to the lives of millions, even billions, of people in decades to come. -Charlie Stross Shaping the Future |
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Thursday, March 18, 2004 it's cool people that brighten your day. cool people like james and paul that come up every week despite the traffic and long distance to kick it, eat, smoke, and drink. cool roommates like sammy that make everything competitive, even a small game of foos ball or a battle on ol' skool ps1. cool people like the fine (and smart) chick in two of my classes that randomly come up to talk to you (despite your darkman burnt face) and let you know that you have 3 extra days to do your project so you can study for the 2 finals you have together on friday. *sigh*. cool people like annie that call to let you know they're home from the east coast and then don't call to let you know they didn't die in traffic because they were on the phone with you but had to hang up because they were gonna cause an accident. cool people like the chicks that sun bath in the grass in de neve (bless those chicks and their tanning bodies especially when they bend over). now there are those uncool people that let you know that your day sucks. uncool people like catherine who talks about how happy she and her boyfriend are and that everybody in the world can see it even their professors. just kidding catherine! i'm happy for you! i wish everyone could experience that type of happiness once in their life (and then keep it... but what are you gonna do? huh!). the kanye west CD is badass. the outkast CD is tight too ("fuck that valentine's day!"). songs i might pay $1 on iTunes for: ginuwine - what's so different young gunz - no better love mario winans - i don't wanna know i'm totally in my hip hop and r&b mood. keeps me happy and makes me smile listening to this stuff. come on, i grew up with this stuff. wanna dance? hit me up. vvvvrrroooooommmm ppppppppsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! holla! c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 4:00:00 PM (0) comments Tuesday, March 16, 2004 i've been feeling really down lately. i hate it. it's not a nice thing. i think school and finals are getting to me... and, i guess, other things. biking back from my first class today was especially stressful. while going up the dreaded hill towards charles e. young, my tire got caught on a very thin crack and i lost control. the day (no, not my life) flashed before my eyes and my heart stopped. i regained control and started cussing like the psycho that i am. i'm sure people laughed but who cares. when i'm on my bike, it's suppose to be just me and the world. no laws or people getting in the way. hee hee. so as i approached de neve and those stationary posts that block cars from entering the de neve courtyard (dunno what else to call it) where the commons is, some jogger cuts in front of me and i almost hit those posts trying to dodge him. another heart attack in less than a minute. definitely not good. when i get back to the apartment gate, i just stand there on my bike and catch my breathe, panting from the messed up ride back. then some guy comes along messing up my "reflection on life" wanting to get into the apartment. i look at him (probably scare him with my face) and get the door open. i've been doing nothing but sleeping. which is pretty bad since i've got 2 assignments, one really big project, and 2 finals all this week. ggrrrrr. on a good note, eliza has some new blow off valves. i got them at the apexi garage sale (apexi is a manufacturer, not some guy from the penny saver) where they were half off. my cousins were telling me to get the exhaust too because they were half off also. man, some other day the government will get me those too. next year. so, may we all become really really happy... like catherine... who still hasn't received her birthday present from me ahem ahem actually from lisa ahem... it's been more than 10 weeks i believe... she doesn't need this present anyways... she's too happy... share the wealth, homegirl. awwww... i'm just playing... actually... maybe i'm not... i'm just really really jealous and spiteful. hee hee. smile! c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 1:51:00 AM (0) comments Sunday, March 14, 2004 saturday night: my cousin, abigail's, debut. the youngest Arabe cousin is now an adult. where have the years gone? tonight has made me feel very lonely and depressed. i wish i had more personality. more personality like others in my family, like our friends, or like any other person out there. why must i sacrifice personality with comprehension (in the mind)? if i had more personality i would have handled my break-up better and i would've been over it by now. but my stupid brain and its thoughts... it's hard. tonight, i made the announcement to the entire family about me being single. yes, everyone in the family knows now. i've been delaying saying anything to anybody because i dunno how to react to the questions. at least i can react now without hurting. it's easy when you can block things in your mind. i bad skill to learn but it's helping in this situation. i would be perfectly fine if i could forget everything completely. i can't deal with these constant reminders, these IMs and phone calls and visits. i have the worst memory out of everyone i know (maybe because i forget that someone has a worse memory than me?) but it's not letting me forget everything. damn! i feel so alone. my cousins have all these people and stories and memories and things going on. i have memories but the best ones i want to forget. my days ahead are gray whereas their's are planned out. i'm so jealous that i'm not fortunate enough to have these things. i know, i should be happy with what i have... and i want to be happy, but i'm missing something. i had something but it's gone now. i know i know, i need to be content with life and myself before i can move on and i am. it's just... there are those moments where you feel lonely and sad. c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 3:48:00 AM (0) comments |
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