Monday, November 15, 2004
i think i've just realized that i would give up the best almost-two-years of my life if i was given a chance to. i'm not saying it was a mistake or i regret it but with what i know now i would erase everything so things wouldn't be so hard. i know i wouldn't be who i am now and i wouldn't be as mature and i would be a totally different person but it's just something that hurts me so much. i know it's sad but looking at how things are now and how things were before then, i would have less important things to be sad and depressed about now. i know i know, i am very fortunate to have the many thigns that i have right now and i am grateful for everything but still... different things make different people happy. what do i have to be so sad about? i dunno, i just wish i had someone to talk to. this goes back to that 702 song:
"all i want is someone i can talk to, someone who will listen to what i have to say. all i need is some special attention, someone who will mention that special thing in me."
and lets face it, i don't have much luck with the ladies. i've tried but no luck. i know a lot of you say not to try so hard and not to worry about it and it's not like it's on my mind all the time but it is still the truth. i can "not worry about it" but the problem will still be there.
whoever said "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" never fell in love with someone that loved them back and then have that person fall out of love with them. in my opinion they were wrong.
so why all of this now? well it's not just now. it's been like this for a long time. i just never had the drive to put down my thoughts (i guess now i do) and it's not like anyone reads this anymore. plus it's something that crosses your mind when you're driving by yourself for almost an hour with no one to talk to or anyone to call. i do this lonely drive at least twice a week and i've been doing it for a couple months now. be by youself for a few hours and you'll have a lot to think about. it's pretty good therapy. helps you realize where you are in life and where you're going (at least where you're not going). and one place you can never go back to is the past. so me wanting to erase two years of my life means nothing. i take that back, it means a lot but it changes nothing.
c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 1:10:00 AM
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let's keep things simple here...
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girls i will leave my wife for
(no questions asked)
1. Jessica Alba
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all i want
is someone i can talk to
someone who will listen to what i have to say
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...keep it real
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