Monday, February 27, 2006
** warning : "feeling depressed" post coming up **
i really wish i had someone to fall back on, someone to catch me. maybe i wouldn't have fallen so far down. yeah, i don't seem all that sad lately 'cause i've been keeping busy, mainly working on cars. and i don't show how down i am because i've been here (down) for so long that it doesn't really matter how much farther i fall. i don't think i've gone up at all and the road ahead isn't looking that great either. oh well, just gotta keep going. expect the worst and hope for the best. i will definitely say the worst has not happened to me and i'm grateful it hasn't. i appreciate everything that i have but i'm not as strong willed as i used to be. hoping and wishing (something that i did first in this post) and dreaming aren't things that i like to do anymore.
saying that really makes the quote/poem i remember most ironic (this might not be the correct literary term but i don't care to look it up):
hold fast to dreams for if dreams die
life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly
things to do tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that: work on cars.
i dunno what'll make me happy. i just need something new and different. something fresh.
i'm not excited at all about vegas. 3 days and 2 nights of throwing away cash i don't have. is it sad that i'm only looking forward to the drive in eliza?
someone save me. amuse me and talk to me. i don't want pity. i just want to have a nice "natural" conversation to let me know that i'm alive and not a robot that only knows facts, math, vocabulary, science (for my nieces), cars and computers (for everybody else). i guess the only thing i can talk about is TV and i dunno how natural of a conversation that'll end up being. so yeah, go ahead and ask me what the integral of 2x^3 y^2 + 5xy dx dy is or what the worst-case propagation delay is for the logic AB+ACD+BDE using CMOS or pull-up resistors.
i need a girl. maybe i need a girl that is as much of a geek or gear-head as i am. oh, what? all the ones i've met have boyfriends. that's right.
well, i got my cousin's old cell phone. i dunno why i need it since i've survived alright without a cell phone for the past ~3 weeks(?). should i just get rid of it and eliminate an expense that i don't use or can't afford? bah, i'll keep it to remind me each hour/day/month how little i talk on the phone (wow. self-pity... low).
i'll stop there.
** rant mode off **
c l i f f l o v e's thoughts at 1:07:00 AM
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let's keep things simple here...
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catherine
jenny
lisa
loc
theresa
vanessa
girls i will leave my wife for
(no questions asked)
1. Jessica Alba
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Kristen Bell
what we're living for
happiness
what we need
family and friends
all i want
is someone i can talk to
someone who will listen to what i have to say
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10/30/2005 - 11/06/2005
11/06/2005 - 11/13/2005
11/13/2005 - 11/20/2005
11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005
11/27/2005 - 12/04/2005
12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005
12/18/2005 - 12/25/2005
12/25/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 01/08/2006
01/08/2006 - 01/15/2006
01/15/2006 - 01/22/2006
01/22/2006 - 01/29/2006
01/29/2006 - 02/05/2006
02/05/2006 - 02/12/2006
02/12/2006 - 02/19/2006
02/19/2006 - 02/26/2006
02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006
03/05/2006 - 03/12/2006
03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006
03/19/2006 - 03/26/2006
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04/30/2006 - 05/07/2006
05/21/2006 - 05/28/2006
05/28/2006 - 06/04/2006
06/04/2006 - 06/11/2006
06/18/2006 - 06/25/2006
06/25/2006 - 07/02/2006
07/02/2006 - 07/09/2006
07/09/2006 - 07/16/2006
07/23/2006 - 07/30/2006
07/30/2006 - 08/06/2006
08/06/2006 - 08/13/2006
08/20/2006 - 08/27/2006
10/01/2006 - 10/08/2006
10/08/2006 - 10/15/2006
10/29/2006 - 11/05/2006
11/05/2006 - 11/12/2006
11/12/2006 - 11/19/2006
12/03/2006 - 12/10/2006
12/31/2006 - 01/07/2007
02/18/2007 - 02/25/2007
03/25/2007 - 04/01/2007
06/10/2007 - 06/17/2007
06/24/2007 - 07/01/2007
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12/02/2007 - 12/09/2007
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12/23/2007 - 12/30/2007
12/30/2007 - 01/06/2008
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07/13/2008 - 07/20/2008
07/27/2008 - 08/03/2008
08/03/2008 - 08/10/2008
10/26/2008 - 11/02/2008
...keep it real
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